Survive club in Christchurch

So, we got on the telly recently.
In How the other half lives, celebrity dude Marc Ellis joined us for a weekend of survival training. he didn't even take the piss, much.

The show was recorded a while ago, and it was quite good. No one mentioned that we were a bunch of moronic nazis, they didnt even use our last names, so the average viewer would have been unaware that Kyle Chapman, Steve Larsen and Jason Orme are all well known white power neo nazis. Although Steve Larsen nearly gave the game away when Marc Ellis got him to say a lot of stuff about how Maori extremists allegedly training in the bush with guns was a very dangerous thing for white people everywhere. A few minutes later they showed a bunch of white power extremists training in the bush with guns, them being us! Luckily the Police seem to be letting us get away with it for now. cool eh? We looked awfully professional and militant too. All dressed up in camouflage, just like real soldiers. We've got tents and a landrover and we have been learning how to light fires and cook up dead possums too. Marc Ellis even shot one of us in the head with a paintball gun. There was blood and everything. Marc thought it was funny and took the piss a bit, but really it proved how hard we are. There were a few minor issues, Some members though Kyle should have buttoned up his shirt so he looked a bit more military and less like a slob, but you have to bear in mind that buttoning Kyles shirt is not as easy as you might think.






Kyle was also on telly showing Marc Ellis his hidden stash of food. Kyle had buried a large crate in the bush which contained about 200 packets of two minute noodles. In case of emergency and the breakdown of civilisation we will retreat to the hills and live on these two minute noodles (supplemented by the occasional dead possum) for the next six months or so. Sadly Kyles noodle stash was all soggy as he had forgotten to waterproof it.
Lastly Marc Ellis was invited to take part in our fite club. We got him to take on eight of us in a row, and sadly he beat us all, mainly cos we aren't very fit. oh well.



Of course the most ironic thing was that a few days before the show was on the telly, Christchurch had been hit by a massive earthquake. We thought, at last, our preparations can be put to good use. The whole idea of our Survival training is that we think a disaster will lead to society breaking down and everyone turning into crazed violent lunatics who will try to kill everyone else, kinda like you see on lots of sci fi movies. So when the quake struck, we were ready for anything. We immediately made plans to gather up our guns, load our backpacks with noodles, and fight our way through the hordes of looters to our secret hideout in the bush.

Unfortunately the roads were all fucked up so we were stuck (we hadn't thought of that). Within minutes of the quake neighbours were out on the streets and offering to help each other. The entire community turned out to be working together and being nice to each other. There was no looting. there was no unrest. This wasn't supposed to happen!

This has left many of our members felling rather stupid and baffled (this is is a common problem for some of our balder members).

As our website says "We are meeting tonight to make some plans and work out some new systems". So far we have decided to tell everyone to stock up on spare water and food. We found this advice in the back of the local phone book, and while this might make you think that our survival training is completely impractical and pointless macho posturing, we are convinced there is a need for a militia. we just have to have a think and work out why.

In the meantime, for up to date and informative earthquake advice we recommend this website.